Every time the bell rang after school, I would feel a pang in my heart to see all the families walk by me hand-in-hand as the parents picked up their children. Coming from a broken family that I knew would never be whole again, I would stare down at my shoes always feeling as if I was the last one to leave and thinking about how different I was from my peers. As I started to reflect on the image and definition of “family,” I felt such a void inside me. It tore me apart to think about all the things that I lacked and all the happiness that I had been denied.
For a long time, I blamed and asked God, “Why?”, “Why does this have to happen to me? Why can’t I be like everyone else?” Everything I wanted was gone. I thought, if there was a God, He wouldn’t do this to me.
As the years passed, I continued to resent my situation, and it would not be until I turned 16 years old that I was able to find healing.
On the morning of my 16th birthday, I finally felt ready to ask my mom about her divorce. As she explained to me with tears in her eyes the details of what happened when I was young, I finally found peace with God and with my parents. After so many nights of crying out to God and asking why all this happened to me, I finally found the answer.
My parents’ divorce helped me to fully experience the richness of His love. This whole time I had only been thinking of myself, and I realized that I had been blind to everything I had all along.
I had everything. I made so many friends from moving around schools, and I cannot recount how many times my cousins and relatives showed Christ’s love to me when I was complaining to God about my family. Also, in addition to having God as my heavenly Father, I have so many brothers and sisters in Christ, and I know I will never be empty or alone again. I have a big family. I am loved. God filled my heart with His love and His purpose for me and knowing that such a loving God has plans for me, I no longer fear or question His ways for me.
- What are some struggle(s) you faced when you were young, but in turn, were able to help other people who faced the same struggle?
- Have you ever had an experience where you thought you fully understood a certain concept until God revealed that there was so much more to it than you could ever imagine? If so, reflect on that experience and remember what God taught you from that time. If not, ask God where in your life He might want you to experience that now.